It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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