I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
