you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
