Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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