These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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