I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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