I cannot find my penis.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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