i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
