The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
