u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
