we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
