I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
