Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
