If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
