dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
