I wanna bring you to show and tell
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Im part way to drunk.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
