great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
