so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
