i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize