I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
