I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
