I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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