No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my being single is dangerous.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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