Your face is a jimmy john
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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