Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
