Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
