i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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