I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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