HIV tests are more positive than that guy
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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