Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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