Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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