getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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