You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
