Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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