My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
