she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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