Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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