if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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