Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
