Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize