A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize