She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
