Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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