There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
