So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
