I smell stomach acid.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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