I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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