I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
