Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
