I saw his package. It spoke to me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
