Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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