i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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