Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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