I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
