i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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