there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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