kristin has been a bad kristin
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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