Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
