well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
