I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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