I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
