Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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