so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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