Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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