On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You took a bar mat shot.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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