Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
