Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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